One Nation

Almost surprisingly enough, the Government's Evel plot has ascended from sordid party-political stuntery to the comparative empyrean of low-grade farce. Slightly more surprisingly, the improvement does not appear to have come about thanks entirely to the tact and shrewdness of the former Minister for Profitable Incarceration, Chris Graybeing, whom Britain's Head Boy has appointed his Constitutional Ink Monitor because the subtler minds of Eric Pickles, Michael Gove and Adam Werritty are otherwise engaged. The Government has delayed the vote on the Evel measures, which are designed to preserve the Union for all time by reminding the Scots that nobody's listening, because the DUP was worried that the Union would be endangered and because a score of braying dunderheads were worried that their prospects for blackmailing their Dear Leader would be undercut if England stood alone. Accordingly, despite the customary show of good faith involved in trying to sneak through a major constitutional change on a simple vote, Britain's Head Boy and his fags have been forced to postpone the whole thing until the autumn, by which time the proposals will most likely have been watered down from Evel (English Votes for English Landlords) to merely Kingdom Rotten As Previously.