Collateral Opportunification

Thanks to the Osbornomic miracle, of course, the National Health Service is not in crisis; people with long-term illnesses are thriving on the Government's cripple-kicking therapy; schoolchildren are being driven into nervous breakdowns only because their teachers have so much time for them; and food banks the length and breadth of the country are being swept away on the tide of general plenty. Accordingly, Britain's Head Boy has announced that his cash-strapped Government will be using the income from penalties imposed on the banks to fund a bit of posturing over terrorist atrocities. Although the Government is doing everything it can to encourage personal responsibility in healthcare, employment, house-building and profiteering, it seems that the hard-working families of terrorist victims cannot be trusted to build their own memorials, thereby necessitating a quasi-Socialist intervention to remind future generations of the need for constant vigilance and continued wog-bombing.