Team Freer Touches Base

Finchley and Golders Green's sitting expenses claimant, Mike Freer, has at last favoured me with his attentions. His leaflet proclaims that my vote will deliver competent leadership (in the form of continued Osbornomics, more tax cuts, more kicking of poor people, and cheaper petrol) or a coalition of chaos (in the form of a legally constituted British political party such as the SNP pursuing its legitimate interests at Westminster). Having voted in favour of equal marriage rights, Mike Freer somehow comes over all reticent about the possibility of his own party having to shack up with the gay-bashing Democratic Unionists.

"Britain can't afford it and you'll have to pay for it," says Mike Freer, who represents the party that inherited a tentative economic recovery and turned it into a three-year depression for the profit of the one per cent. Curiously enough, Mike Freer neglects to make much political capital out of the Osbornomic miracle, especially now that the pledge to eliminate the deficit and achieve healthy growth within a single parliament has been so spectacularly fulfilled. Mike Freer professes himself keen on a local breast screening unit (he doesn't say whether he favours Serco, G4S or the Sun newspaper for the contract), but he rather inexplicably omits mention of that other little pledge about not imposing chaotic top-down reorganisations on the NHS, which was so spectacularly fulfilled by the grace and brilliance of Andrew Lansley and his consultants in the Turkey Twizzler business.

Mike Freer is also proud to boast of his part in abolishing "squatters' rights" (scare quotes in original), thereby charitably protecting those who can afford to leave a property empty against those who can't afford a place to live. Mike Freer is happy to echo his party's cant about "affordable homes", and also to avoid any mention of "rights" for tenants. Mike Freer is much concerned with the local community, but as so often before he displays remarkable reticence about the flagship of the Big Society thingy which has appeared on his watch, namely the local food bank. This means, of course, that Mike Freer denies himself the opportunity to inform his constituents why he imagines they use such a facility. Is it because they're lazy, feckless, and need money for booze or fags or tattoos? Is it because they don't manage their excessive social security payments well enough? Or is it just because it's there? I think we should be told.