Political Earthquakes

Fury at tragic terror horror

Both wings and the tail of the British Neoliberal Party have been trying to steady their voters in the wake of the earthquake in Nepal.

Downing Street called the earthquake "terrible", but defended the aftershock decision to send experts to the shaken country at the taxpayers' expense. A spokesbeing said that people thinking of voting UKIP should "keep in mind that Nepal is a very long way away".

Potential migrants would have "quite a walk" to reach Dover, and the experts sent by the prime minister would in no way be providing transport to non-British nationals, the spokesbeing said.

Instead, British resources would be targeted towards wealth creation and effective reintegration of Nepal into the international financial community. Aid for those squashed under ruins would be conditional upon their being hard-working families.

A Labour spokesbeing called the earthquake "tragic", but criticised the government's response for being too fast and too deep. "At a time of hardship for hard-working families, Britain's hard-working families need to know that their money is being spent at the epicentre of Britain's hard-working families," the spokesbeing said.

A Liberal Democrat spokesbeing called the earthquake "a terrible tragedy" and said that the Conservatives' response was too intelligent and the Labour response too compassionate.

The latest opinion polls remain so far unmoved by these interventions, to the consternation of many.