Raising Standards

Britain's Head Boy's monitor in charge of tuck-box has issued members of the House of Claimants with a stiff talking-to about being more forthcoming with the public. "Precisely because politics has become more elitist, more apparently to the public, an insider’s game, it is all the more important to get the rules right"; therefore the immediate necessity is not (perish the thought) to ensure that MPs actually work as MPs, but to suggest very, very forthrightly that they police themselves with sufficient rigour to declare up-front how many trotters they intend keeping in the trough once elected. This tough new régime will mean giving the voters a choice between corporate sponsors, rather than anything so undemocratic as a perceptible difference in policy; and "if the public feels that they have been brought into a decision on this matter, that can only be helpful". Reassuringly enough, the monitor in charge of tuck-box is "absolutely sure" that Britain's Head Boy is jolly concerned about the whole affair. After all, nobody really knows how many more members of the House of Expenses Claimants, under pretence of spreading murder, mayhem and torture for glorious profit, are in fact mere chiselling little crooks.