Needling the Haystack

The mad old cat lady at the Home Office has done her bit for law and order by slapping down the London Haystack and the chairman of the Metropolitan Firearms and Headbangers' Club, Sir Bernard Hog-and-Howitzer, who have both been squealing for new toys. The mad old cat lady has deferred until after the election any decision on whether the Metropolitan Firearms and Headbangers' Club will be allowed to use water cannon along with all its other little perks. The decision is a sound one for several reasons; notably the fact that the water cannon have already been paid for, but only by the taxpayer, so that comparatively few major Conservative donors are in immediate danger of losing out. Additionally, the water cannon themselves are immigrants, having been manufactured in Germany where many cities are no doubt just like London in all sorts of ways. Most importantly of all, the decision puts one of the mad old cat lady's rivals firmly in his place, so that the risk of lawlessness and anarchy in the Conservative Party can be minimised in the event that the Milibeing somehow fails to put the present Head Boy back in Downing Street.