Keeping the Profits On Track

Britain's Head Boy has been having a bit of a burble about the infrastructure thingy. Specifically, Britain's Head Boy has been ticking off the mean-spirited proles who complain whenever rail fares have to rise in order to keep private companies in the style to which they are accustomed. Following several years of increases above the rate of inflation, this year's rise is in line with inflation, and because this is an election year Britain's Head Boy thinks that is rather jolly. In any case, the above-inflation rises were purely to facilitate investment, which is absolutely key to the long-term economic plan which has replaced the single-parliament programme of cuts which was meant to get the economy back on the rails for the benefit of motorists and other important people but sort of didn't. Naturally, when talking of involuntary investors in Network Rail's executive bonuses Britain's Head Boy was careful to draw the all-important distinction between taxpayers (a more or less reliable source of revenue for tax-dodgers) and fare-payers (proles too inefficient to own a proper fleet of cars). Asked why rail companies were still allowed to rip off passengers at self-service machines, the Minister for Motorways protested that legislating to protect consumers would take far too long, especially as the Government has only had four and a half years to think it over. Instead, rail companies have promised to be nice in future, which is obviously a much more efficient means of enforcement when you're all in it together.