Party Animals

Three years ago the coalition pledged to outlaw the use of wild animals in circuses, and as recently as April Britain's Head Boy told Animal Defenders International, "Yes, we are going to do it." Naturally, they haven't done it: the relevant bill has been repeatedly held up by three of Daveybloke's back-bench baboons: Andrew Rosindell, Philip Davies and Christopher Chope, whose respect for democratic process has been noted by your correspondent before. Rosindell argued that it would be wrong and cruel to remove the animals from the servitude to which they are accustomed; much as Rosindell's political ancestors no doubt argued against universal suffrage and the ending of the slave trade. A spokesbeing for the Department of Fracking (DeFra) said that the law would be passed "when parliamentary time allows"; the present parliament has a six-month general election campaign to run, so there is very little time left over for fripperies like legislation, particularly on animal welfare. Of course, from fox-hunting to pheasant-shooting and from badger-gassing to migrant-bashing, cruelty to the lower forms is as Tory a pastime as one could wish to imagine; and rare indeed is the Conservative MP which did not spend some idyllic portion of its youth pulling the wings off flies or granting unsolicited sexual favours at the queue for the local abattoir.