Letting the Side Down Like It's 1915

More than two thousand job-stealers and cultural impurities were rescued from drowning by the Italian navy on 24-25 December. Naval personnel may have been distracted from their duty to protect Europe from invasion when a Nigerian migrant subjected them to emotional blackmail by blasphemously giving birth on the very day when the Christ-sprog dropped. Another migrant pressed his claim for sympathy so far as to be found dead, and as a result the British Home Office is expected to announce tough new rules to prevent migrants benefiting from lack of life functions. Meanwhile, during this season when the Christian tradition enjoins us to thank God it's them instead of us, we may all be proud that Britain played no part in these unhealthy shenanigans. The Italian armed forces are of course hardly famous for their moral fortitude; among next year's glorious anniversaries will be the centenary of Italy's declaration of war on its former ally, Austria-Hungary, which will doubtless be celebrated across the entire continent by gazillions of illicit wogs.