PM Authorises Humanitarian Aid

Emergency meeting yields decisive action over crisis

The Prime Minister has cut short his latest holiday and returned to the UK in order to deal with the developing military and humanitarian emergency in Westminster.

The crisis began with an unruly Muslim last week, and soon spread to the London Haystack despite firefighting attempts involving large buckets of drivel being passed from hand to hand.

Today, the military situation swiftly deteriorated to the point of Liam Werritty.

However, sources said the Prime Minister was mainly concerned about the unfolding humanitarian disaster in the region.

"While the party-political aspect and the potential for pre-election wog-bombing are of course deeply important, it's the need to relieve the deserving poor that concerns him most at this point," a spokesbeing said.

"When the minister for an entire continent of Bongo Bongo Lands can't afford to chillax with his family, the proper course of action is obvious to anyone with a shred of British values."

It is believed that, after chairing an emergency meeting earlier today, the Prime Minister has authorised the RAF to drop food hampers to the family of Mark Simmonds.