Clash of the Charmers

The leader of the Farage Falange is apparently poised to declare himself a candidate for the immigrant-ridden post-industrial hell-hole of South Thanet, where his populist credentials and down-to-earth charm will be displayed to best advantage owing to the proximity of London TV stations, and where any invading fleets from the Continent will be readily visible for him to repel with sword and shouting. The sitting Conservative MP is standing down, and the London Haystack has shown no wish to be parachuted in for the purpose of demonstrating the Conservatives' commitment to the British values of tolerance and sound economic sense. Therefore, the Conservatives have fielded a candidate who used to be a Farage Falange member, in the hope that some of the UKIP glamour will rub off on them. After all, Winston Churchill was a racist turncoat, and look what happened to him.