Enlightened Beings

A superb eructation of British values is surging forth from the Indian subcontinent. The Chancellor and Willem den Haag have been selling missiles and burbling about Gandhi, whom Osborne acknowledged as "father of the largest democracy in the world", though of course not quite the greatest. As a signal of its devout belief that religion and poverty are good enough for some people, the British government intends to put a statue of Gandhi in Parliament Square, sculpted by a man whose previous triumphs include the Queen Mother and Bomber Command. The Secretary for Wogs, Frogs and Huns gave assurances that all weapons sold by Britain are clearly marked Not to be used for internal repression and For self-defence only, and proclaimed that every nation had the right to defend itself, as the Mahatma himself undoubtedly would have believed had his assassination not cut short the path to full enlightenment in the form of membership of the British Neoliberal Party. That exalted state is claimed by Sajid Javid, the Bullingdon Club's pet bodhisattva for Cultchah, Equalities and Whatever, who said that the experience of India's partition, as undergone by a few million people, had contributed to his decision to take up public service by subsisting on a mere few million a year from Deutsche Bank.