Slightly Excess Wastage Among the Juvenile Resources

No-one knows better than Britain's Head Boy that dead children have their uses; but a cabal of mere experts in Seattle is trying to undermine Britain's juvenile resources by comparing them with foreigners. Britain's infant mortality rates exceed those of every country in western Europe except Malta, even among children who will probably grow up into unemployed hoodies; and no doubt the perpetrators of the Health and Social Care Act live in hope that we shall catch up to American rates in due course. The figures have been linked to inequalities in health care, lack of red tape and the removal of playgrounds from poor areas in order to instil appropriate values into the children of hard-working families. Nevertheless, since the research was carried out in the United States and not by female South American UN rapporteurs, the response from Westminster fell short of the usual megadecibel squeals of righteous indignation. The Ministry for Profitable Healthcare extruded a flunkey to rattle off statistics showing that every day and in every way Britain is getting better and better, and Her Majesty's Loyal Opposition said that it more or less agreed with what the Government is doing, except that it was a tragedy not befitting a civilised country that should be made fairer with a few minor adjustments.