Shun Him, Ye Proles, For He Lacks the Common Touch

Britain's Head Boy, whose desperately spontaneous poses with darts and pints of Guinness brought such joy to the 2010 general election campaign, has had a bit of a squeal at an unruly tick for not being ordinary enough. The Caudillo of the Farage Falange, proclaimed the Bullingdon Club's representative of the white working class, is really a "consummate politician" who merely pretends to be a "normal bloke down the pub", as may be seen from "his expenses and his wife on the payroll and everything else". The Falange's strategy, blathered Daveybloke the Bloke, is "about trying to grow votes in clusters or something in different parts of the country", like champagne grapes, rather than gaining votes in the normal democratic way, through fake pledges and rotten boroughs. Britain's Head Boy proclaimed that the minority of a minority who voted for the Falange did so because they were deeply disillusioned with the European Union, and that only Britain's Head Boy could whip the Euro-wogs into shape.

Meanwhile, Her Majesty's Loyal Opposition, whose Sadiq Khan published an excruciating grovel in the Daily Express yesterday, remain as determined as the Conservatives to massage the buboes and ignore the bacillus. In some democracies, a sixty per cent vote for the Stay at Home Party might be cause for concern, and might even prompt some politicians to think about trying to increase turnout. In our own nominal democracy, Labour shuns the non-voting majority on the grounds that it might contain leftists. The two main wings of the British Neoliberal Party are interested only in wooing back the kind of thoughtful, informed proles who think the Caudillo of the Farage Falange is one of themselves, and whose Daily Express concerns thereby qualify as worth bothering about.