Dam Fools

Five years ago ecologists in Scotland released four pairs of beavers into the wild, some four hundred years after the animal was hunted to extinction in Britain. There are now thirteen beavers living around various lochs and interfering with the local environment by building dams instead of golf courses. Beaver dams reduce erosion, and can help to prevent the occurrence of floods and improve the quality of water, much to the detriment of the United Kingdom's flourishing sandbag industry and privatised moistural distribution companies. Next year, the fiend Salmond and his demented pack of hooters and skirlers at Holyrood will decide whether the damage is to be permitted to continue; meanwhile, it is believed that a scientific team under the personal guidance of Owen Paterson is sacrificing numerous badgers at the full of the moon in an attempt to create a viable modern breed of Scottish Conservative.