The Curmudgeon


Wednesday, April 23, 2014

Terror Suspect Deported

Fury at "dragon-slayer" removal horror

A Palestinian male was deported today in a process described by the Home Office as "pleasingly efficient", despite claims by the United Kingdom Independence Party that the man should never have been allowed into the country.

The man, known only as G, is believed to be of mixed Anatolian and Levantine parentage. According to Home Office sources, he claimed to be a Christian and a professional soldier, and was seeking employment in the pest control industry.

Officials would not confirm or deny reports that G claimed to be able to destroy the dragon which some experts believe may have contributed to prolonging the recession in Britain's fair-maiden industry.

The dragon has eaten four hundred and seventeen fair maidens to date, besides several dozen ministerial special advisers who served as "digestion proxies" for Westminster's more unwilling virgins.

A spokesbeing for UKIP derided the suggestion that G, or any other "mercenary Middle Eastern animal cruelty enthusiasts" might be qualified to solve the country's dracological difficulties.

The party ran into controversy on the subject of the dragon last year, when one of its knights, Sir Godfrey of Chelsea, said that the beast would fly away within weeks if Britain's gay men were "conscripted for defloration duty."

Sir Godfrey was expelled from the party, and now writes a regular column for the Guardian.


  • At 11:28 pm , Anonymous Madame X said...

    Curious how such a person ended up being so emblematic of the British Isles, given the nation's normal regard for foreigners and colonials.

  • At 11:42 pm , Blogger Philip said...

    Not the British Isles, just England; I know it's hard to tell the difference from across the pond, but it may become easier after September.

    Apparently George's predecessor as our patron was Edward the Confessor, a sanctimonious old twit whose vacillation and/or dishonesty may have helped get us conquered by the Normans. He was revered until the mid-sixteenth century, when presumably something a bit more macho and thrusting was called for.


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