The Curmudgeon


Thursday, April 10, 2014

Holy Purple Drain Cleaners

Britain's Head Boy has been taking Assembly for Easter. Somebody rather tactlessly sang Ave Maria, thereby rubbing in the recent let-down of Big School by the Monitor for Paper, Paint and Games; and Daveybloke had a bit of a simper about Christian values, proclaiming that the Big Society thingy was invented by an Iron Age hellfire preacher. There is some merit to this argument: as is clear from the incident of the widow's mite, Jesus saw nothing wrong with allowing large institutions to accept token contributions from the rich while taking from the poor everything they could afford, even unto the uttermost farthing. Jesus raised no objection to slavery or cruelty to animals, much as fans of the Big Society thingy tend to be enthusiasts of workfare and badger-busting. In the parable of the workers in the vineyard, Jesus proclaimed that wage levels should be dictated by the whims of employers; and in his pledge to return within the lifetime of witnesses present in the first century Jesus, like the Big Society thingy, promised a good deal more than his creator was prepared to deliver.

Daveybloke burbled indignantly about the persecution of Christians, the Saviour's injunction to rejoice and be exceeding glad having apparently slipped his speech-writer's mind. Additionally, as befits a spiritual son of the famously sane Reverend Tony, Daveybloke proclaimed himself a "giant Dyno-Rod". Although he has some of the qualifications (notably garish fluorescent colouring and a preference for the company of turds), perhaps it might be advisable for someone at Big School to suggest that Britain's Head Boy learn how to deal with fuses before attempting more elaborate household tasks.


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