The Curmudgeon


Friday, April 04, 2014

Criminal Figures

The Metropolitan Firearms and Headbangers' Club has been accused of imposing a "culture of fear" on its less privileged members, including arbitrary and unrealistic quotas for arrests and searches. Shootings and taserings are still optional, it appears; although that may change if the London Haystack and Bernard Hogan-Howitzer get their way over adding water-cannons to the arsenal. A report by the Police Federation says that officers feel "almost continually under threat of being blamed and subsequently punished for failing to hit targets"; the Met of course denies that anything of the sort is happening, although it has not yet got around to accusing the Police Federation of being a terrorist or of throwing bottles at the management while they try to save a life. Given the seriousness of the accusation (essentially, that the Met treats its foot-soldiers with the same contempt as the Government bestows upon teachers, the unemployed and other social pariahs), this surely represents progress.


  • At 5:18 pm , Anonymous The Judge said...

    Poor Met! Blamed if they miss targets, blamed if they don't (especially if the targets are slightly tipsy, or breathing whilst being non-white).

  • At 9:54 pm , Blogger Philip said...

    In the Good Old Days when Crime was always Waving (always waving),
    And the Constable was Out upon the Beat (on the beat),
    He was Sure that his Great City he was Saving (he was saving);
    With his Trusty Truncheon was a Man Complete (man complete).

    But Now the Bureaucratic Wheeler-Dealer (wheeler-dealer)
    Has Heaped up Paperwork upon the Floor (on the floor),
    The Honest Occupation of the Peeler (of the Peeler),
    Alas! is Not the Same Thing any More (any more).

    In Spite of what our Constables Prefer (bulls prefer),
    Their Duties are no Longer what they Were (what they were).

  • At 11:46 pm , Anonymous The Judge said...

    Oh, very well done sir!


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