The Curmudgeon

YOU'LL COME FOR THE CURSES. YOU'LL STAY FOR THE MUDGEONRY.

Monday, March 24, 2014

Watchdog Affectionately Gumming Fat Cats, Report Finds

Fury at energy horror

Britain's non-accountable energy cartel is a cartel of energy companies which is not accountable to the public, according to figures published today by the Department for Energy, Climate Change and the Bleeding Obvious.

In other shock news, the energy watchdog, Ofgum, whose mouldering gingival resources successive governments have consistently refused to equip, was revealed as a toothless yapper with the guarding abilities of a senile chihuahua.

The energy cartel consists of six companies which control ninety-nine per cent of the market. This is called competition.

Whenever one company raises its prices, thereby demonstrating how much can be got away with in the present fiscal year, the others quickly follow suit so that consumers will not become confused. This is called transparency.

The figures precede the publication of a preliminary review which is expected to recommend a further review which the energy cartel can dismiss with a light laugh.

Labour's energy spokesbeing, Caroline Flint, claims that Labour would break up the companies, end their secret deals, make tariuffs simpler and fairer, and freeze energy bills until 2017. This is called not being in office.

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