Nothing's Gone Wrong, and it's Someone Else's Fault

The Deputy Conservatives' flagship policy of breaking their pledge on tuition fees seems to be working about as well as one would expect. Thanks to the Osborne economic miracle, with its abundance of unemployed graduates and its stick-without-carrot approach to the young, the tripling of fees has produced a budgetary black hole of such magnitude as to be detectable even by the likes of Liam Byrne and David Willetts. Naturally, like all aspects of the Osborne economic miracle which are criticised by the ignorant and backsliding, the problem is mainly due to macro-economic circumstances (viz. foreigners), the growth of graduate earnings (viz. job-snobs who refuse to stack shelves), bad weather, the last Labour government, unauthorised badger activity and so forth. On the bright side, of course, the policy was never really intended to save money in the first place, but to establish the master-poodle relationship between Britain's Head Boy and his little orange fag, and to help ensure a prole-free learning environment for hard-working families.