Mere Legality

The right of Chris Graybeing to rule without harassment from left-wing pressure groups is being subverted through the use of judicial reviews. Graybeing is worried about the courts being used as a political tool, often no doubt by people who have read too many books, in order to delay or challenge "a legitimate decision taken by the government and endorsed by parliament" or, in Standard English, rubber-stamped by a few hundred braying oafs at the behest of the party whips. Among the reforms Graybeing wishes to introduce is a clause allowing courts to refuse cases if it seems "highly likely that the outcome for the applicant would not have been substantially different if the conduct complained of had not occurred" or, in Standard English, allowing judges to dismiss cases without the inconvenience of a hearing. In a similar spirit, Graybeing also plans to abolish the Human Rights Act, on the grounds that human rights are relevant in places like North Korea and Africa and places where Britain deports people, rather than on the mainland itself.

"It is ironic that Grayling should be throwing a party for the 800th anniversary of the Magna Carta when he seeks daily to undermine its most lasting legacy," smirked a flunkey from the party of Jack Straw, Charles Clarke and David Blunkett. As with his ban on sending books to prisoners, Graybeing has achieved the remarkable feat of concocting policies so cretinous, authoritarian and mean-spirited that even the Labour Party can make a show of disagreeing with them for now.