The Wogs Begin at Calais, Not Berwick

Britain's Head Boy is to deliver a major sales burble (or heartfelt plea, as the Guardian's resident psychic hath it) urging Scotland not to vote for independence, and urging the proles in the rest of the UK to do their bit towards keeping Big School together. Daveybloke will be burbling from the site of the London Olympics, thereby proclaiming that a vote for independence would be a betrayal of all that Team GB achieved. Daveybloke will burble about his personal ties to Scotland: he comes from a long line of absentee landlords and colonial exploiters, and one of his ancestors, like so many genuine Scots today, even had a castle in Aberdeenshire. Daveybloke will burble about all the wonderful things England has achieved, from Alfred the Great to Queen Elizabeth I, which would have been impossible without our owning Scotland as well. It is just possible that Daveybloke will refrain from accusing the pro-independence camp of trampling on the soul of Little Ivan and condoning genocide in Syria; but I doubt it can be guaranteed.