Lessons in Moistural Redistribution

Mere experts have once more been pestering the faith-based community at Westminster with their market-force denial and undermining of family values. A group of heretics has published an open letter in the Torygraph urging, of all things, long-term measures to prevent flooding, and worrying that the present enthusiasm for dredging might cause flooding in different places. Having made it abundantly clear where flood defences and other green crap fall in his list of priorities, Britain's Head Boy would almost certainly like nothing better than for the flooding to happen in different places; preferably places where no enthusiasm for the Conservative Party is there to be dampened. Unlike Nigel Lawson or a teacher in a Gove Learning Emporium, the letter writers are also suspected of being qualified and knowing whereof they speak; this must be particularly galling for Britain's Head Boy, who is noted for taking advice from people who have avoided the obstructing intellectual baggage that comes with lack of ignorance. A spokesbeing was duly extruded to read out numbers proving that the cuts mean more money is being spent than ever before, and that lessons are being learned which show that the Government is already doing everything right.