How Do You Solve A Problem Like Maria?

She's got a gob to beat all gobs;
She's open with her goals.
She thinks four hundred thousand jobs
Can feed two million proles.
She's certain Art is very nice
Because it has a market price -
She's Tory and she's tawdry and she's gabby.

The orphans of the hacking storm
Were waiting in the cold;
Maria thought it rotten form,
And gave them all a scold:
What horrible destructiveness
To flout the Murdoch-Dacre Press!
She's barmy and she's batty and she's crabby.

How do you solve a problem like Maria?
Just try it, and the best of British luck.
How do you find a term that means Maria?
As hobnailed boots? As two short planks? As muck?

Many a thing you know you'd like to tell her;
Many a thing she ought to understand;
But how do you make it plain
Enough for her size of brain?
How do you fit the thought into the gland?

How do you solve a problem like Maria?
How do you stop her head from going south?
O how do solve a problem like Maria?
How do you get that foot from out the mouth?

Bodgers and Hammersledge