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Some fine, brave chaps with poppies in their lapels are going to reconsider Britain's policy of recruiting child soldiers. The use of under-eighteens in combat is prohibited in order to prevent early addiction to video games, and they are only allowed to join the armed forces after due respect has been shown for family values. This means that they cost more to train; which is why the Ministry for Trident and Jolly Big Boats is having one or two qualms. A recent investigation found that younger recruits are more likely to suffer post-traumatic stress, alcoholism, depression and suicide; but this is unlikely to trouble the fine, brave chaps with poppies in their lapels. After all, many such recruits are from disadvantaged backgrounds, and national service is a favourite method of prole control among those Conservatives whose minds have somehow fought their way as far as the middle of the last century.