On Safari

In order to try and counteract the effect of his recent "green crap" policy statement, Britain's Head Boy has decided to have a bit of a burble about the illegal wildlife trade. Daveybloke has invited fifty heads of state to a summit in February so that he can highlight links between wildlife poaching and the magic words, terrorism and threats to national security. Clearly Britain's Head Boy objects rather strongly to the poaching of endangered species; although equally clearly he has no particular objection to letting corporate big-gamers burn up their living space. There is a growing demand for bits of rare animals among the Asian middle classes, and Britain's Head Boy sees no particular reason why affluent Asians should be permitted to behave as irresponsibly as affluent Europeans have behaved for a couple of centuries or more. The summit will be chaired by the Minister for Wogs, Frogs and Huns, Willem den Haag; and the secretary for the environment, Owen Paterson, has visited Kenya and seen some dead elephants; which shows exactly how seriously the Bullingdon Club is taking the issue. It is to be hoped, at least, that someone got through to Paterson the likelihood that the elephants were not killed by badgers.