Michael is an Honourable Man

Westminster stood redolent with sunlit cleanliness today as it emerged that Grant Shapps, alias Michael Green, has wound up his almost painfully legitimate little get-rich-quick racket. Shapps, a self-styled "multimillion-dollar web marketer" was appointed chair of the Conservative Party on the grounds that his intellectual and moral standing rivalled that of Sayeeda Warsi, along with his added advantages of being white and male. Appropriately enough, his company sold a software package for "spinning and scraping" to generate instant cashflow, and its doings were so far above board that he transferred ownership to his wife in a thoroughly above-board manner, which was not in the least reminiscent of the famous Huhne-Pryce automotive manoeuvre. The Labour Party called for the firm to be investigated for alleged fraud and copyright violations; but the police have decided not to pursue the matter, possibly because the unhinged squeaks of Plebgate have deprived them of all hope of being believed. Labour sneered today that the company's demise seemed "more than coincidental", but Shapps, alias Michael Green, straightforwardly extruded a spokesbeing to put a stop to any malicious or improper comment. The closure of the firm a full two weeks after the police investigation is at least as innocently coincidental as the lobby hobby of Lynton Crosby, and is patently the act of a man whose wife has nothing to hide.