The Curmudgeon

YOU'LL COME FOR THE CURSES. YOU'LL STAY FOR THE MUDGEONRY.

Friday, October 25, 2013

Heating versus Eating: Problem Solved

We are all aware that, thanks to the Osborne economic miracle and the charitable restraint of the energy cartel, no hard-working family will be forced to choose between heating and eating this winter. Nevertheless, the Government has felt it necessary to supplement Ed Davey's recent helpful hint - "wear a jumper" - with a few precious nuggets of more detailed advice. The dilemma between heating and eating is dispensed with in short order: apparently, it is best to do both. Between trips to the food bank, people should also insulate their lofts and draught-proof their windows and doors. Radiators should not be obstructed with furniture or curtains, particularly in cases where residents can afford to switch the radiators on. A flunkey at the Ministry for NewsCorp and Privatised Healthcare urged NHS staff to get themselves a flu jab, in case this had not occurred to them; and instructed everybody else to find time to check on those who may be vulnerable. The NHS won't be able to do much, but it may at least be possible to spot a few health tourists and other scroungers, and report them to the proper authorities.

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