Toytown

The empty suit in charge of the Ministry for Wog-Bombing has been having a bit of fun to compensate for Parliament's recent interference in the Great Game. The biennial arms bazaar has opened in London's Docklands, and Liam Werritty's successor Philip Hammond proclaimed it a "fabulous show" displaying "fantastic kit". Official guests included the governments of Afghanistan, Libya and Iraq, where Britain's recent interventions have done so much to increase the fabulous opportunities for really assertive peacekeeping. Other favoured clients, such as Israel, Saudi Arabia and the United Arab Emirates, were also present, their purchases doubtless confined to the merchandise with the Not for Internal Repression label.

While Philip Hammond was praising the show in the statesmanlike terms one might expect from a middle-aged corporate drone discussing Spearmint Rhino, the head of the Royal Navy was bragging about how much his business costs the country. Sir George Zambellas regurgitated Daveybloke's wog-stomping blather about the small island with a "big footprint across the world", and rejoiced in the thought that the navy would soon account for nearly half of Britain's entire defence procurement programme. The navy's two new aircraft carriers - oversized, expensive, lacking in aircraft to carry and of rather doubtful defensive value in the present century - would, Zambellas said, become national icons. He might just be right about that.