Help, Help, I'm Being Repressed

Will the persecution never cease? Not a fortnight has elapsed since the Bullingdon Club was prevented from bombing little Syria to safety, and now a United Nations investigator - a foreigner with a foreign-sounding job title, and a woman, if you please - has been passing remarks about the bedroom tax, or the spare room subsidy reform as our benefactors concisely call it. When the prime minister of Food Bank Britain and junior arms salesman of the year by appointment to the King of Bahrain suddenly became concerned over the demise of a few low-income-bracket Muslims, some people were sceptical and were duly denounced as appeasers and Assad-lickers. In the present case Grant Shapps, the Conservative Party wideboy whose intelligence and honesty are such that he was thought a fitting replacement for Sayeeda Warsi, has gone squealing to Ban Ki-Moon, demanding that the investigator be investigated and that her remarks be withdrawn, preferably before the proposed investigation decides whether they were justified or not. Shapps' squeal, which we can only hope he addressed to Mr Ban rather than Mr Moon, was apparently crayoned onto Conservative Party paper rather than Government paper, which suggests either that the Government is unsure of its case or, more likely, that Shapps believes the Government is the same thing as the Conservative Party.