You Are Perfectly Safe and Nothing Can Go Wrong

Those charming people at G4S, who did so much to keep our under-stretched and over-paid army personnel amused during the Olympics, and whose use of taxpayers' money is allegedly so efficient that it stretches to tracking non-existent persons, are being harassed by their staff at GCHQ. Egged on by the evil forces of trade unionism and Acas, cleaners and security staff are considering a ballot for industrial action, despite G4S' decision to give them a real-terms pay cut. A spokesbeing for GCHQ said that the discussions between G4S and the union had obtruded themselves upon the awareness of GCHQ, and it appears that in the event of a strike the army will be permitted to re-live its Olympic experience. A spokesbeing for G4S expressed absolute confidence that everything would be fine and insisted that the army would not need to be involved; from which it appears that in the event of a strike the army will be permitted to re-live its Olympic experience.