Britain's Head Boy: Up Before the Beak

One of the Conservative Party's owners (Rupert seems to have gone quiet for some reason) has had his minions conduct another survey, and has discovered one of Daveybloke's most remarkable achievements; very nearly as remarkable as turning an economic recovery into a three-year depression. Despite the salesmanship skills lovingly massaged into his little pink skull when Daddy got him that long-ago job as a PR junior; despite the long, hard months of cultivating his common-yet-cuddly side between the time when he realised he might have to fight the 2010 election and the time when he failed to win it; despite surrounding himself with a collection of dead-eyed fanatics, blathering gargoyles and Iain Duncan Smith; and despite the foaming baboons, sanctimonious hypocrites and Liberal Democrats which infest his back-benches, Daveybloke has managed the seemingly impossible and made himself less popular than his party. It's an achievement surpassed only by that of Eds Miliballs, who by a Herculean effort have somehow still been able to position themselves as the worse alternative.