The Scrotum At Bay

Nigel Farage, the leader of Britain's new official opposition by grace of the journalistic classes, has received a tumultuous welcome from some fascist scum north of the border. As with so many other issues, Scottish fascism appears to be a rather anaemic and half-hearted affair: the unfortunate statesman was shouted at and pointed at, for all the world like a wog out of place, and was eventually booted out of a taxi in which he sought political asylum. The fascist scum were apparently under the impression that Farage is a racist and a homophobe, just because racists and homophobes keep popping up in his party's membership. The fascist scum apparently wished to make known their traditional fascist dislike of racism and homophobia; so Farage himself diagnosed the fracas as "a kind of anti-English thing", on the grounds that the fascist scum also registered a dislike of the Union Jack, which is of course the English flag. Farage has called on the fiend Salmond to distance himself from the fascist scum, and at Westminster it is believed that a cross-party agreement is being drafted on the back of various envelopes for emergency legislation defining the act of shouting at Nigel Farage as a hate crime.