That Good News Just Keeps On Coming

Although proper structural investment is forbidden because we are British, the Government has no objection to an occasional flutter within the bounds of theological correctitude. Our present woes, it seems, have nothing whatever to do with people having no money, but only with their not having enough places in which to spend it. Accordingly, the Government has been throwing money at a television presenter to opportunify the vitalisation of various telegenic towns. Several of the towns have apparently been afraid to spend much of the money in case it rains and the Osborne economic miracle suffers another setback; others have spent it all on pig costumes to appeal to local families by reminding them of the Bullingdon Club. One council did manage to provide a team with a catchy acronym, appropriately reminiscent of old-fashioned mafia stereotypes; but on the whole the initiative has delivered in much the same style as the deficit reduction plan, the greenest government ever and the NHS being safe in their hands, and has yielded a healthy increase in empty shopping outlets.