The Curmudgeon

YOU'LL COME FOR THE CURSES. YOU'LL STAY FOR THE MUDGEONRY.

Thursday, March 21, 2013

Polite Notices

Customers, your attention please. On behalf of Working Transport, I hope you had a pleasant journey. Please form an orderly queue. No loud talking or laughter. Loud talking and laughter causes disruption and may result in delays. Book your holiday now. Keep calm and carry on. No smoking. No alcohol. No ball games. Online dating for busy people. We all want the same thing: hard-working families in a prosperous nation. Your custom is important to us. If you have questions or aspirations, ask a member of staff. Please be civil at all times. We will not tolerate abusive behaviour. Move through the gates at an orderly pace. Keep your belongings with you at all times. We manage your share portfolio so you can manage your life. Members of staff will be happy to assist you. Please follow directions. We all have to make sacrifices. No running or shouting. Running and shouting causes disruption and may result in delays and loss of benefits. We are all in this together. If you see someone breaking the rules, inform a member of staff. Help to protect your community and earn more benefits. Follow the pointing finger. Obey instructions at all times and keep your family safe. Please move forward at an orderly pace. Deposit your belongings with members of staff. Please follow cleanliness routines as sponsored by Healthy Working plc. Freedom brings work. Owing to ongoing plumbing repairs, you may hear a slight hiss from the shower nozzle. Thank you for your custom.

2 Comments:

  • At 6:23 pm , Anonymous The Judge said...

    Irrespective of location or context, I can never see 'Polite Notice' without instantly reading it as 'Police Notice'.

     
  • At 5:34 am , Blogger Philip said...

    Me neither. Then my visual centres adjust and I see the correct reading, "Notice by pompous idiot who can't just write 'please' now and then."

     

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