Free at the Point of Abuse

Those nice people at Serco have been doing what they do best, increasing their pre-tax profits by twenty-seven per cent while lying to the NHS and swindling the taxpayer. Serco falsified data two hundred and fifty-two times in order to disguise gaps in their rotas for doctors, nurses and call centre staff, though it is as yet unclear whether the staff shortages were a symptom of normal private-sector efficiency (see Network Rail, G4S etc.) or a result of funds being diverted to more deserving causes.

In other, entirely unrelated news, more than a fifth of the adult population are being distracted from their responsibilities towards the Osborne economic miracle because of a bizarre inclination to pander to the kind of people ATOS Healthcare is always finding fit for work. More than two million human resources have left employment, and almost three million have reduced their working hours, in order to lurk behind closed blinds providing free services to the kind of people whom Daveybloke likes to snigger about when he's poking fun at Ed Balls, and whom Aidan Burley's playmates would presumably like to see gassed. Of course, Daveybloke is planning to withdraw benefits from those who have the temerity to occupy rooms in houses; but given the Government's well-known philanthropic zeal, that is doubtless merely the start of yet another wonderful journey.