Substantial Community Benefits

Some uppity northerners have refused to agree to the burial of nuclear waste near the Lake District. This might be considered a predictable decision, except that Cumbria is already host to Sellafield, the well-known improver of the Irish Sea; and one of its MPs is president of the Deputy Conservatives, so clearly the residents have a fairly relaxed attitude to living with toxic waste. Possibly the Government's plan to save the environment (viz. to turn the whole country outside Westminster into a free range for shale-fracking cowboys) has concentrated a few minds. In any case, the official Deputy Conservative doormat at the Ministry for Energy Profiteers, Ed Davey (not to be confused with Ed or Davey), is now faced with the task of finding bribes of sufficient magnitude for the local councillors to change their minds. Even amid Triple-Dip George's economic ministrations, this should not be as difficult as it sounds; after all, it is hardly a question of keeping some hospital open.