PM's Rear Dewlap Contaminated

Fury at foreign horse neck horror

The Prime Minister's rear dewlap has been found to contain traces of horsemeat and veterinary drugs, Downing Street sources say.

A routine medical check revealed that the bulge at the back of Cameron's neck included "enough equine DNA to build a small shire pony", according to a spokesbeing.

In an official statement, Downing Street said the Prime Minister's health was in no danger, but that as a precautionary measure all his food would now be pre-tasted by Liberal Democrats.

The revelations could mean more political trouble. Eurosceptic Tory MPs expressed concern at the possibility that the horsemeat might be of foreign origin.

"We are definitely worried about this," said Nigel Noblett of the backbench Desperate Whinge group. "If there are French or Romanian influences in the Prime Minister's neck, it could turn policy on its head."

A Labour spokesbeing said that the findings confirmed the Government's "utter disarray" on immigration and neck issues.

The Prime Minister habitually uses his rear dewlap to store his speeches, and it is thought that the rubbery consistency of the flesh is useful in protecting his family from the weather.

It is thought that Samantha Cameron habitually spends ten to fifteen minutes each night extricating the Prime Minister's collar from beneath the bulge, using Vaseline and a small spatula.