Inappropriate Behaviour

Horror as EU dilutes Britain's potency

Britain is to challenge an EU agreement designed to prevent excessive harassment of the impotent by the inflated.

As the Royal BS Bank was once again caught touching up the taxpayer, Brussels' interference was repeatedly spattered by some of the British government's most senior fumblers.

"People will wonder why we don't just pull out," said the much-engorged entertainer and sometime mayor of London, Johnson Bollocks.

"A quick touch in the back pocket for a bit of innocent fun is nowhere near as traumatic as what our bankers have been through under Gordon Brown, and is certainly nothing for the EU to concern itself over."

Speaking on condition of anonymity, a spokesbeing praised the banking sector's voluntary restraints, while the Prime Minister called for flexibility and various Liberal Democrat eunuchs moaned and wobbled.

The chancellor, who has groped his way around the economy for two and a half years, is expected next month to postpone once again his targets for getting to second base.

Stephen Hustler, the man held largely responsible for Royal BS's erectile dysfunction, described the whole experience as "chastening", and is thought to have asked for more.