Wood and Worm

Britain's Head Boy and his fag have been using the Conservative Party's fifty-page mid-term rah-rah as an opportunity to talk to the prole on the street in language he can understand, with predictably disastrous results. As one would expect of a jumped-up junior salesman with criminal associates, Daveybloke described the coalition agreement by plagiarising someone else's advertising slogan: "It is a Ronseal deal. It does what it says on the tin." Presumably, no-one informed Daveybloke that Ronseal is a brand of varnish, and thus a hideously appropriate make-over for a couple of splintery gimcrack woodentops like Wee Nicky and himself, even though it does not usually come in yellow or puce.