Peace in Our Time

Europe gives thanks

Sighs of relief echoed through the totalitarian halls of Brussels and Strasbourg today as the Euro-wogs escaped a dressing-down from Britain's Head Boy thanks to the crisis in Algeria.

Billions of faceless bureaucrats and foreign potentates whispered secretive foreign thanks to their over-regulated deities as the British prime minister postponed yet again his scheduled lecture on their shortcomings.

"Traditionally, there are very few events which are capable of stopping a Conservative prime minister telling Europe its business," said a spokesbeing.

"One such event is the prospect of a good war, and the other is interference in the business affairs of his chums."

The Algerian crisis blew up on Wednesday, when various BP profitability resources, including British citizens and a few nonentities, were interfered with by terrorists.

The Minister for Wogs, Frogs and Huns, Willem den Haag, is understood to be "in a bit of a strop" after the Algerian government attacked the hostage-takers without permission from Whitehall.

Algeria consists almost entirely of North Africans and Arabs, many of whom also speak French. This may have led to cultural misunderstandings, although it is not as yet clear whether Mr den Haag has threatened to invade any embassies.