One Migrant-Free Nation of Hard-Working Families

The leader of the Tory wets is to give his sales pitch before the Fabian Society today. The Milibeing will burble about the wonders of private enterprise and state that New Labour "pioneered the idea of rights and responsibilities", unlike those nasty Old Labour types who invented the NHS. This is called giving an honest account of the party's past. But the Milibeing's ambition for its party does not end there; oh dear me no. A "governing framework for the economy, society and politics" is required; and, by golly, the Milibeing has hit on just that: "greater responsibility from top to bottom, with bankers expected to show restraint in remuneration and responsibility in lending, and welfare recipients expected to seek work". Well, we can at least be sure that under a Labour administration one of these conditions will be enforced to the full, with duncansmithian determination; certainly the Conservatives would never wag a friendly finger at the banks or imply that social security recipients are parasites who need a good kicking to motivate them. Perhaps in vague recognition of this, the Milibeing will condemn the Bullingdon Club's "attempt to divide the country between scroungers and strivers"; a division which his own workfare spokesbeing, Liam Byrne, accepts with minor modifications. The Milibeing also proposes to bring in the immigrant-bashers from the cold to which Gordon Brown, the well-known opponent of child detention, consigned them in the bad old days. Once more, the Conservatives must be cursing themselves for not having thought of so cunning a plan.