In, Out, Opt It All About

For the last three months George Osborne's fag has been locked in mortal combat over the à la carte menu of European police and criminal justice measures, which Theresa May intends to vomit up for Britain before gobbling selected carrots back down again. The Deputy Conservatives want to know exactly how far in and out of the European arrest warrant the Daveyblokey-cokey is going to take us. Unfortunately for them, they are talking to Oliver Letwin.

Considering how treacherous, unprincipled, shallow and deceitful they have proved themselves to be, the Deputy Conservatives are staggeringly inept politicians. Their contemptuous betrayal of the students at the very beginning of this fiasco could, with a little charity, be put down to inexperience; but since then they have sold out on proportional representation; been outflanked and stabbed in the back over the alternative vote; driven a coach and horses through the coalition agreement in order to help Twizzler Lansley destroy the NHS; sat passively by while Daveybloke vetoed the Continent and marched off to North Africa for the War on Terror reboot; failed to reform the Lords; and lost many of their members and most of their local representation. It rather begins to look like carelessness, does it not?

Alarm bells have obviously started jangling; but having finally decided to try and distinguish themselves from the Real Conservatives they have chosen, of all issues, Europe to fight over. The public's interest in Europe is hardly such that it will forgive the mishandling of the economy and the abolition of the National Health Service should Wee Nicky happen to come out of these arcane negotiations with forty-nine per cent of the European arrest warrant still intact. On the bright side, however, there has been some progress: the Real Conservatives and the Deputy Conservatives are in agreement over the issue of the European public prosecutor. There is no European public prosecutor.