Seminal Study

Researchers in France have reported that it is becoming more and more difficult to commit the crime of parenthood. An apparent decline in average sperm counts, combined with delayed child-bearing, could signal a crisis for those hoping to do their bit for the environment by reducing the rarity of human beings. Many perils afflict our unfortunate planet, and the critically small size of the human population is, of course, one of the most urgent. Since George the Progressively Osborne was not among the researchers, the seminal decline has been blamed on tight underwear and environmental toxins, rather than on Labour and the Euro-wogs.