Nuclear Emergency

After only two and a half years of serial humiliation, Nick Clegg has evidently realised the political necessity, in the absence of any better tactic, of throwing a hissy-fit now and then before rolling over and wetting himself. In this case, Wee Nicky was reacting to the announcement by the Minister of Peace Through Wog-Bombing, Porker Hammond, that the Government will be driving another coach and horses through the coalition agreement and ignoring any alternative to renewing Britain's weapons of mass destruction. A report on the possibilities for such an alternative is due next year and is being overseen by Danny Alexander, which doubtless explains why Hammond thought it safe to ignore.

Still, amusing as it may be to ram the Deputy Conservatives' collective head down the U-bend every couple of days, Hammond's announcement also had the deadly serious purpose of undermining the fiend Salmond's quest for an independent Caledonistan. Hammond trotted out the standard Gove History™ about Britain's weapons of mass destruction securing peace in our time, since certainly that radioactively poisonous European community had nothing to do with it. He also implied that a victory for the fiend Salmond could cost several thousand jobs; which goes to show the magnitude of the perceived threat from the Demon of the North. Even in an administration as routinely panic-stricken as this one, it takes an awful lot to make a Conservative government worry about sacking Scots.