International Statesmen

After an unfortunate few days, which were kept from outright calamity only by Labour's disinclination to oppose the Government on any issue of substance and by the obliging ineptitude of the One Nation Milibeing, Daveybloke has reasserted his leadership after the time-honoured fashion, by grabbing the nearest dog-whistle and blowing it until he turned puce. The instrument in this case was the ruling by the European Court of Human Rights that prisoners should be allowed to vote; the melody, as one would expect, was No No No. The sort of criminals who vote Conservative do not constitute a significant portion of the prison demographic, which tends to consist largely of plebs and has quite a few wogs besides. Since Daveybloke has proclaimed that his mind is made up, his spokesbeings have proclaimed that Daveybloke has not yet made up his mind. Meanwhile, the Reverend Blair's party has reacted with horror to the idea of violent criminals having a say in who runs the country, and has criticised the Government for not ignoring its international obligations hard enough.

In defying the Euro-wogs on this matter, Daveybloke has also done his bit for consensus in government by blithely trashing his own attorney general. Admittedly, Dominic Grieve's testimony to the justice committee included a bizarre mention of "our strict adherence to human rights laws", which may well be a symptom of that other-worldly streak which got the poodle's poodle, Peter Goldsmith, into such trouble over the Iraq adventure. On a more realistic note, Grieve also said that while international obligations certainly matter, they do not matter enough to avoid being voted down by the House of Claimants whenever it should prove expedient. The consequences of ignoring the ECHR's ruling could include fines and legal claims; but that, after all, is why God gave the Bullingdon Club all those taxpayers.