Pussy Envy
Free world leaders mildly irritated at whims of fate
Three members of the feminist punk band Pussy Riot have been found guilty of hooliganism motivated by religious hatred and sentenced to two years in a prison colony.
Leaders in the free world greeted the verdict with concern amounting to envy. President Obama, who can zap his own and anyone else's citizens with airborne explosive devices whenever the mood takes him, called the verdict "disproportionate".
"It's such a waste of precious energy resources to try giving the appearance of a fair trial when all you really want is for people to disappear," said White House spokesbeing Claiborne P Minuteman.
"America understands the need to protect religion and preserve the rule of law, but Russia should have learned that when preserving public morality, a drawn-out show trial is no match for the collateral damage from a drone bomb."
Across the Atlantic in Britain, the rest of the free world was equally concerned. Britain, which imposes sentences double the length of Pussy Riot's for posting messages on Facebook, and deports people for stealing ice cream during non-pussy riots, said the band's sentence was "disproportionate".
The British government, which continually complains about human rights getting in the way of profits, has called for Russia to protect "fundamental rights and freedoms" in the interests of a level playing field.
"The trouble is that Russia is so large compared with Britain, even on the old Mercator maps," said Alistair Brute of the Ministry of Wogs, Frogs and Huns.
"They put people in prison colonies because they've got the space, just as we used to have space in Australia. But in Britain now our prisons are already overcrowded and we don't have many playing fields left to sell either."
Three members of the feminist punk band Pussy Riot have been found guilty of hooliganism motivated by religious hatred and sentenced to two years in a prison colony.
Leaders in the free world greeted the verdict with concern amounting to envy. President Obama, who can zap his own and anyone else's citizens with airborne explosive devices whenever the mood takes him, called the verdict "disproportionate".
"It's such a waste of precious energy resources to try giving the appearance of a fair trial when all you really want is for people to disappear," said White House spokesbeing Claiborne P Minuteman.
"America understands the need to protect religion and preserve the rule of law, but Russia should have learned that when preserving public morality, a drawn-out show trial is no match for the collateral damage from a drone bomb."
Across the Atlantic in Britain, the rest of the free world was equally concerned. Britain, which imposes sentences double the length of Pussy Riot's for posting messages on Facebook, and deports people for stealing ice cream during non-pussy riots, said the band's sentence was "disproportionate".
The British government, which continually complains about human rights getting in the way of profits, has called for Russia to protect "fundamental rights and freedoms" in the interests of a level playing field.
"The trouble is that Russia is so large compared with Britain, even on the old Mercator maps," said Alistair Brute of the Ministry of Wogs, Frogs and Huns.
"They put people in prison colonies because they've got the space, just as we used to have space in Australia. But in Britain now our prisons are already overcrowded and we don't have many playing fields left to sell either."
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