The Curmudgeon


Wednesday, July 11, 2012

A Simple Bloke

One of the rather jolly aspects of leading the Not Particularly Bright Party is how simple it makes many things. Of course, when one has the entrepreneurial drive and moral fibre to be born the son of a successful tax-dodger, many of life's little problems are simplified considerably in any case; but the business of leading a government which includes the likes of Iain Duncan Smith, Theresa May and Chris Graybeing must be among the quickest of all routes away from intellectual complexity. Daveybloke has taken due advantage of this fact while doing a bit of charity work among the wogs, pledging just under one and a half thousand million pounds to help twenty-four million wogettes improve their lives. Assuming the pledge is worth any more than the ones Daveybloke gives his own natives, we can only hope that the recipients are slightly better at handling money than Daveybloke's chums in the banks and the House of Claimants.

Be that as it may, Britain's Head Boy was in full school-assembly mode, happily advising the little ones how best to spend their pocket money. "Women should be able to decide freely and for themselves whether, when and how many children they have," burbled Daveybloke, whose robust feminist instincts have led to the closure of all those clinics and shelters while bestowing tithes on all those faith schools. "In a way it is so simple," burbled Daveybloke. "Healthy empowered women mean healthy strong families mean healthy strong children mean healthy strong countries. It is as simple and straightforward as that." So simple and straightforward, in fact, that the wogs needed Britain's Head Boy to come along and explain it to them. "It is absolutely fundamental to any hope to tackling poverty in our world," burbled Daveybloke, although the location of a world in which Daveybloke has the slightest interest in tackling poverty is as yet unknown to science; presumably because science is just not simple enough.


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