The Curmudgeon


Thursday, June 14, 2012

Murdoch Mnemonic Mutation Madness

PM in virus spread panic horror

The Murdoch memory virus is not only affecting the world's rulers but has begun to spread to the help as well, a forensic inquiry has discovered.

The devastating effects of the virus were first seen humbling Rupert Murdoch, and quickly deprived his son James of almost all recollection of anything that had happened at News Corporation since he reached the age of shareholder majority.

Facing questions about his relationship with the Murdoch empire, the British prime minister was unable to remember anything about his meetings with various potentates. Mr Cameron stammered, sweated, bulged, turned from puce to magenta and eventually had to consult his wife's diary before making a statement.

"There are definite signs that the Murdoch memory symptoms are starting to work their way down the food chain," said a scientist, who wished to remain anonymous on the grounds of funding.

"This is certainly cause for concern. It was bad enough when people of actual global importance were afflicted, but if the virus is spreading to third-rate PR spivs we are all in big trouble."

Before the inquiry took place, the Prime Minister's press office attempted to soften the impact of the news by releasing a story about him leaving a daughter in a pub. Mr Cameron has not denied rumours that the child was abandoned in the hope that a handy assassin or kidnapper would turn her into a public-relations coup along the lines of his earlier, NHS-related infantine resource, Ivan.

Encouragingly, however, Mr Cameron was able to recall that all the meetings he did have with News Corp personnel were completely innocent and devoid of any reference to either the BSkyB deal or plans to lease the BBC to the Murdoch family on a 99-year PFI-style basis with losses covered by the British taxpayer.


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