General Poverty Leads to Less Tax Shock
Earthquakes as Government wrestles with revelations
Making the country poorer can lead to diminishing tax returns, the Office for National Statistics said today in what is likely to be an institutional suicide note.
Shock and horror pervaded the Treasury as the Chancellor struggled to comprehend the possibility that lowering taxes for the rich, kicking people out of their jobs and letting banks hoard their cash might be contributing to the economy's chronic buggeredness.
Whitehall and Downing Street were shaken by moderate tremors this afternoon as Mr Osborne's jowls flailed about in search of someone to blame.
Previous culprits include the last Labour government, the weather, Britain's status as a safe haven in a stormy global economic climate, Britain's vulnerability to the globe's climatic storminess, and the Euro-wogs.
Immigrants and welfare recipients are unlikely to benefit from the Chancellor's opprobrium this month, as their shit-list status has already been earmarked by the leader of the Opposition and the Prime Minister, respectively.
As a result, it is likely that the Chancellor will blame the Office for National Statistics, in the hope that its abolition will provide the extra redundancies and associated fiscal optimism necessary to kick-start the road to recovery.
Making the country poorer can lead to diminishing tax returns, the Office for National Statistics said today in what is likely to be an institutional suicide note.
Shock and horror pervaded the Treasury as the Chancellor struggled to comprehend the possibility that lowering taxes for the rich, kicking people out of their jobs and letting banks hoard their cash might be contributing to the economy's chronic buggeredness.
Whitehall and Downing Street were shaken by moderate tremors this afternoon as Mr Osborne's jowls flailed about in search of someone to blame.
Previous culprits include the last Labour government, the weather, Britain's status as a safe haven in a stormy global economic climate, Britain's vulnerability to the globe's climatic storminess, and the Euro-wogs.
Immigrants and welfare recipients are unlikely to benefit from the Chancellor's opprobrium this month, as their shit-list status has already been earmarked by the leader of the Opposition and the Prime Minister, respectively.
As a result, it is likely that the Chancellor will blame the Office for National Statistics, in the hope that its abolition will provide the extra redundancies and associated fiscal optimism necessary to kick-start the road to recovery.
1 Comments:
At 8:39 am ,
Frankentsiens of OZ at the Potemkin Village said...
Too simplistic though witty as ever. People are simply more adroit at avoiding activities which are taxed.
Seems logical. Why ought anyone engage in activity which allows a Government to enrich itself or others at one's own expense?
Still you've veered dangerously close to the truth. Governments have sheered all the sheep and their Robinhoodianism has blown up in their faces.
Now we've facades of economic statistics and platitudes; stock markets are up, banks are solvent, oil is down, there is plenty of available credit??? All of the limbs and organs are functioning so we must have economic life. Isn't it obvious.
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